thought this was funny
# The odds that your delivery to the apartment complex will be on the first floor is inversely proportional to the number of pizzas and drinks you are carrying. Corollary: All deliveries to apartment complexes are upstairs and the more pizzas and the harder it is raining, the more flights you'll have to climb.
# The odds on getting a tip are inversely proportional to how hard it is raining, the further you have to drive to get there, and the further away from the address you must park.
# If a kid answers the door, you're not getting a tip.
# While waiting for pizza delivery orders to come out of the oven, the one that goes to the worst neighborhood to a known stiffer always is ready first.
# The only house in the neighborhood with their porch light off will be the house you're looking for.
# The higher the gas prices, the lower the tips.
# The harder it rains, the further away you'll have to park.
# The worse the weather, the more people call for pizza delivery
# People who call for pizza delivery five minutes before the store closes will live at the far edges of the delivery area, in a house with no number on the house or mailbox, and they'll stiff you.
# When looking for a house in a neighborhood with no numbers on the house or mailboxes, you'll always pick the wrong house.
# When being given a delivery on a busy street during rush hour, the address will always be on the other side of the street.
# The worse the neighborhood, the longer you'll have to wait for the customer to answer the door.
# The further away from the store and the closer it is to closing time, the more likely a customer will give you a large bill you must bring back to the store to have changed
# The older the order, the more likely you'll get lost or get stuck in slow traffic
# The quicker you arrive at an address, the more likely they'll not be home or they'll be taking a shower.
# When taking multiple orders, always deliver to the known stiffers last.
# If you have to call a customer on your cell phone on the way to a delivery to get directions they won't answer their phone.
# The harder it is raining, the more likely the customer won't have a roofed porch.
# The busier the store, the more often you'll need to use the bathroom.
# The odds for a decent night's tips are inversely proportional to how badly you need the money.